Pratto

Another truth has crystallized in my mind tonight as I start to put pen to paper, well, finger to keyboard at least.. it has been a while since I wrote anything, I only seem to write when I am down, or when someone has seriously pissed me off. So, which is it today… I have been seriously pissed off, so although this is pointed about one person, it applies equally to thousands around the world with the same traits, I am sure you will have met them somewhere.

So, what is the theme? It’s positivity basically, It maybe commitment, it maybe integrity… maybe even a combination of all three. Whatever it is, it is damaging..

I spend a lot of time working towards supporting carers of people with mental health issues, I know from experience that there is precious little out there for them, but there is more than you would imagine if you know where to look.

What really gets me down, therefore is individuals who prevent those of us who want to help from doing what we want to do. I don’t think anyone will think that is an unreasonable standpoint, surely not.

So the question is, how and why do people actually prevent people like me from achieving what I want to do? You may well ask…

Firstly, I got involved in this work when my wife and I received such appalling treatment at the hands of the Mental Health Service… I don’t sit back and think “that was poor” and moan to friends, well to be fair I do that, but I take the matter up with those who can influence things… in a word, I complain to the people concerned and those above them who can change things.

In this case I took that as far as it would go… to the CEO… ands as I still got no satisfaction, I kept pushing despite his warning about it adversely affecting my wife’s treatment… I told him it was so bad anyway it couldn’t… he didn’t like that!

However, one thing I always did was to say that we couldn’t turn the clock back, we couldn’t change what had happened but we could change things for the future.

I was invited to become involved in a project about training the staff, and from that I started to develop relationships with staff and management, and was invited into all sorts of other projects, gradually becoming involved in projects with a range of third sector support groups, and gradually with like minded people have established a number of other projects, through these efforts I believe I have positively improved the support and service for carers.

Now this is all very positive, and what I want to be, but sometimes in a group you get individuals that don’t think they should engage with the service providers… though how the hell they think they will influence them like that I haven’t a clue.

You can sit in a meeting, make a suggestion to launch an initiative to improve something, to give carers something and colleagues will say yes, that’s a great idea… then our negative person will rise from some sort of wallowing stupor and announce with great confidence and assurance “no it will never work” and one or two will think he must be right. So you ask the question “why not” and the answer is inevitably that you wont get cooperation from the people you will need to talk to for the support. It’s true… our negative element, lets call him Pratto, wont get the cooperation, for one of two reasons… Pratto is not really committed, he is in it for what he can get out of it, to tell his mates at the pub he does good works but is scared to actually put him self about to actually do anything. The other reason is that Pratto is simply one of those people who expects everyone else to do things, never has an idea himself  but always knows why ideas wont work… never valid reasons, but always reasons.

I have worked with a number of Pratto’s in the third sector… I have just left a group that seemed to spawn them. I suggested a project… was told it will never work without the support of the matrons. I explained that I had the previous day met with some of the matrons, outlines the project and had a huge buy in from them… so, objection overruled you would think. Not if you have a Pratto it isn’t… Pratto will tell you that you will never be able to tralk to the matrons… and staggeringly the weaker members of the group will believe him. I have worked with Pratto for too long… there is no place for thease people.

I met one at a training session, aimed at illustrating to the staff how they are perceived by their service users and carers… superb positive project and superb training session. Then Pratto showed her face… the topic was n aspiration of encouraging a service user or carer that things can improve for them, not will – can. Pratto delivers CBT for a living,  and the pronouncement to this aspiration was as follows “we cant do that”. Of course the trainer asked the obvious question “why not?”. Of course Pratto had the answer ready… “they may go out tomorrow and break both legs, that’s hardly getting better”

Now, I could have sat back, most did, and either ignored this or even agreed with it. But I didn’t. I had to challenge it. To be honest as a statement it is probably too stupid to deserve being noticed, but I challenged it, and concluded “if I were undergoing CBT with you and you displayed that attitude I would get up and walk out… and never come back” Its true, I would do just that. I have undergone CBT and believe me, for me it worked.

If looks could kill Pratto would be on a murder charge right now. I was delighted when the lead trainer said “and quite right to” then proceed to demolish Pratto for her negative threatening body language… all Pratto’s display a negative and/or threatening body language.

So, I have clashed with my Pratto… life is too short to persist with these people, so I have gone solo, well, not really solo, I have left him behind and will work freelance with likeminded friends and groups, and do you know what… we are starting to achieve so much… and having some fun in the process.

I would recommend all  of you… if you are involved in any support groups, or any groups at all, look at your colleagues… I bet you will have a Pratto… get rid of them, by whatever means you can, get rid of them and things will go better.

If you don’t see one in your group, look very closely at yourself….

Support groups need all the help they can get, but Pratto is no help. Pratto is always, but always, a destructive handicap. I have no time for him