I recently read a really
fascinating and thought provoking blog, posing the question is mental illness
always a curse. My first reaction was to say that of course it is always a
curse, what good can come out of mental illness?
It was with some scepticism that
I read on, but by the end the writer had made some really great points, and
left me thinking about the subject, and I now realise that it is true… mental
illness is not always a curse.
It can be of course, for my
wife, mental illness has metamorphosed into dementia, which has effectively
ended her life, and there is nothing about her condition to dispel the thought
that mental illness is a curse. However, for many many people, the mental
illness does not take such a drastic course, there are lucid spells between
attacks and indeed recovery.
For the majority then, where
there are lucid moments, or recovery, there are often life changing
revelations, of course it doesn’t feel like that, but there really are.
For an individual who has
been driven into depression by the pressures of modern life, the illness robs
you of all self esteem and motivation, but when the condition lifts you see
clearly that there are limits to what you can do, and you get new priorities
which accommodate the risks of your condition, When this happens your lifestyle
may change, but I promise you it will be better, because you will value things
so much more because you wont be racing from one thing to the next, you will
understand what is important in life.
I’ve had depression, I’m one
of the lucky ones because having watched my wife for so long, I recognised the
symptoms in me, I don’t feel the stigma (again, I’m a lucky one) and was able
to go to the right people to ask for, and get, help before it took control. I
did however go far enough down the road to have a clear understanding of what
she was going through, what so many others are going through, and that allows
me to understand, and hopefully to support.
I have also learned much
about myself through this period, in my youthful hippy days, we all spent an
eternity trying to learn about ourselves, but all we really learned was how to
roll a good joint and make the most of it… didn’t really learn much except how
pretty the colours were all around.
Going through mental
illness, and trying to help my wife has taught me so much, I have been down so
low, but have had some wonderful support to prop me up when I’ve needed it…
which has been frequent, and I have learned much about mental illness, about
people and about myself.
This has led me into a new
life, working with Mental Health Support Groups and the Adult Mental Health
Service, without it I probably wouldn’t be on twitter (some of you may see that
as being an improvement mind you…).
I have made many new friends
and find that when I go to events and meetings, I am welcomed, respected, and
dare I say looked up to… it has done so much for my self esteem and confidence.
I have been spokesman at events, I have talked for 90 minutes to a group of
carers, attended the Care Crisis Lobby in London and harangued my MP’s PA for
nearly an hour… I couldn’t have done any of that before.
I am not saying I am glad
about the mental ilness… there is not an hour goes by when I wonder if I could
have done something to help Jane, to prevent this bloody awful situation… I
pushed for hospital admission for her, and will never lose the feeling of guilt
over that when I think of the look of betrayal on her face… But I am probably
now in control enough to think I could have lost her through cancer, accident
or a million other causes, none of which would have put me through what we’ve
been through, and I would right now be sitting here, lost, lonely (lonelier I
suppose) and without friend or support.
The fact that she had a
mental illness has taught me so much and opened a door to a new life, a life
that 5 years ago I couldn’t have foreseen, but which is bringing me great
satisfaction in the brighter moments between the fits of apathy, turmoil and
misery I am still experiencing
For a sufferer, I am primarily
a carer, so many people I know have been able to adapt in recovery or
remission, accepted the limitations, driven themselves less blindly, and
appreciate more what they have, appreciate the really valuable things in life.
If more people could have that
enlightenment, see the same things that mental illnesses have shown many of us,
then maybe, just maybe, the world may improve for everybody.
Thank you very much :)
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