Depression is... real

Depression. The word is so easy to say, so easy to undervalue and misunderstand, because we have all used the word instead of a bit down in the dumps for a moment… and it bloody annoys me.

Why, because too many people think depression, clinical depression, doesn’t really exist, they think it is a showbiz affectation used by actresses who are currently between jobs, or need sympathy or attention.

I know from experience it exists, and I know what a destructive, frightening condition it is. No-one chooses, or welcomes, depression. Depression doesn’t ‘run its course’ like a cold or the flu does, once you have suffered depression, it is with you for life, in one way or another, it never leaves you.

The other thing is that to an outsider, you can’t see depression. You tend to see some of the symptoms, you may see someone who can’t be bothered to get out of bed, someone who has no motivation to do anything. You may see some you decide is a scruff because they do not look after their clothes, their make up, their personal hygiene.

You make judgements, because you are conditioned to do that, down the years, generation after generation has shut the door on mental illness. Historically mental illness in England has been grounds for divorce, grounds to be thrown in debtors prisons, cause for locking away in a padded cell in an asylum with no care.

We are now in the 21^st Century, and thank god we have moved on, but we haven’t really moved that far have we? We can’t talk about mental illness, it is taboo, it is as unwelcome at the dinner table as discussing incest or cannibalism in the family, yet we can talk about loved ones suffering from cancer, cardiac problems, injuries and so on… those things are acceptable conditions.

Although my wife has had acute depression since 2004, and now has vascular dementia, so many people, close family members, cannot bring themselves to say that she has a mental illness… she is just “unwell”. They may describe the symptoms, but to use the words, god no, what would the neighbours think.

The truth is more people will suffer from mental illness than will suffer from cancer, or cardiac illnesses… one in four of us will suffer mental illness at some stage, so wouldn’t it be better to bring it out into the open, talk about it, try to understand it… Don’t think that because you are old, or young, because you are black or because you are white, because you are fat or because you are thin you will not be at risk. Don’t begin to think that being honourable; being religious, being vegetarian or anything will spare you. Mental illness is totally non-discriminatory, every last one of us, regardless of background is susceptible to mental illness. We all know much about cancer, heart attack and so on, unless you have been personally involved in mental illness you have no concept of how destructive it is.

Next time you see someone, or hear of someone, who doesn’t get up in the mornings, who doesn’t wash or use deodorant, who wears ill-fitting dirty clothes, I bet you will judge them. You will condemn them. You will have nothing to do with them. Maybe they wouldn’t want your sympathy, maybe they are simply slobs, but there is a damn good chance that they a lovely people, like you, who are suffering with depression… because that’s something depression does to you.

You lose zest for life, have no motivation… you simply can’t get up and look after your personal hygiene, it is not simply that you are too lazy, you simply cannot do it. Your mind is in a shutdown and doesn’t understand concepts like that; you are simply unaware that the concepts exist.

Despite this person suffering from one of the most damaging conditions known to man, most people will simply judge them; condemn them; they will certainly not understand or accept them, and it simply must end. We must get people to understand about the destructive force of mental illness, to give sufferers, and their families, a chance to have some respite, a break, some relief.

Don’t think either, that mental illness affects only the patient… it affects the whole family, mental illness is never ending. You can have periods of remission, with medication and care you can even control it to an extent. You can’t cure it or escape it though.

I have seen at very close hand how depression destroys people, when it is someone you love, it is very hard to cope with, of course bereavement is difficult to cope with, but most of us understand it and are equipped to deal with it and in the fullness of time get over it. With mental illness the patient is lost to you in many ways, but still alive, still functioning albeit not particularly well. It lasts for ever, you never know when you wake what you are going to face on the new day, or the next hour, maybe your partner will not be able to get out of bed, maybe they will get up and but not know what to do, where to go, where to sit or stand… You cant leave them alone for any time, not if you don’t want to spend the whole time worrying yourself into an early grave, or risk them harming themselves, not necessarily deliberately, but through lack of understanding

As a long term carer for a mentally ill wife, I have been pushed into being a service user myself, I’m lucky because after what I’ve been through I recognize the signs of onset, and I no longer fear the stigma. I am prepared to shout from the rooftops if necessary that I am suffering with depression and take the help and support I need to keep myself going.

I have been in contact, through many mental health activities both in person and via social networking, with so many people who are suffering mental illness who have the strength and courage to talk about it, write about it and even fight for understanding and support. These people are so brave, unless you have been there you will never understand how courageous these people are… how much it takes to publicly state their condition, to try to educate people about it, to provide support to others.

This year I have attended a number of events talking about mental illness, and have had a number of people say that they are sufferers, or carers, but hadn’t realised before, or who had assumed that they were on their own. There are potentially millions of others out there in the same position, suffering quietly, stressed beyond belief, incapable of a proper life but simply cannot accept it, can’t tell anyone about it, so things spiral and get worse.

The reason that most of these people can’t speak about it is shame… shame caused by the stigma which is perpetuated by you, dear reader, who has no understanding, no interest in the sufferings involved. You will continue to judge us, continue to make life difficult for us, continue to think us a third class citizens until you learn.

If it takes you to suffer mental illness to understand, so be it and I’ll be there to support you if need be regardless, but I’d rather you learned about it by opening your minds, by trying to understand, by finally realising the key words in mental illness. The key word is illness. It is a fault in the workings of the human being, just like cancer or the flu… it sdoes not make ius freaks

Please try to listen… please try to understand us and make our lives that little bit more tolerable