I’m confused again, I guess that’s part of the situation
I’m in. The last week has been marred by a further involvement with Social
Workers…
I received a call form the on-going care team on Thursday
and form a Social Worker on Friday. Both calls started by telling she was
living at home. When they were corrected they both told me that she was in a
particular care home. When I corrected them they were disappointed and said all
the costings and reports had been prepared based on her going to that home. I challenged
this and they said that they would have to come and reassess my mother.
Now, if you didn’t know, you would think why is he so upset
by this. I’ll tell you… the person concerned is my wife, not my mother. My
mother, despite her advanced years and frail body is still bright as a button.
It’s not as though that was the only problem. My wife has
been in hospital for over three years now, she hasn’t been home in that time.
The final issue is the home that they have now done their costing on is the very
home that the previouis social worker sent me to look at… which I did and
reported back that my wife would go there over my dead body… the place was
AWFUL… it needs closing down.
So, the question is, if they have this basic information so
utterly wrong, what else have they got wrong… how many other delusions are they
working under and how can my wife possibly be getting the support and service
she needs when they obviously don’t have the first idea what the hell they are
dealing with.
Of course, you may be wondering… is this the sum total of
the problems with social services? Is it hell!!!
Three or four months ago, we had a social worker, he was
based 120 miles away, but was working this area. He didn’t know any of the
homes, or where they were. My wife was assessed by two homes, one accepted her,
the other didn’t. Sadly he told me the exact opposite to what he told the
hospital, and his written record shows a third option… the home that actually
accepted her was the one I reported back as being awful.
When I spoke to his manager to have him removed from the
case, I was told that he shouldn’t have referred me to that home because it,
well, was not recommended. I asked the obvious question… “then why did he…?”
and got the answer “because he is working out of area and doesn’t know the
homes”
You have to ask the question.. what the hell is the point?
Anyway, 3 months later, the manager who had taken over the
case, had not made any more contact, other than to ask what I thought of
another home…which actually was rather good.
Add these indiscretions to the nine years of consistent
negligence and incompetence from Social Services and you start to get the
impression of why I’m so damn angry with them.
I had a meeting scheduled this morning with my wife’s medical
team and the social worker, looking at the options for ongoing care. I took the
opportunity to take in a letter of complaint which included some demands
including seeing her records, getting regular progress reports, finding out who
was responsible for the inaccurate records and what they had done to sort it
out and prevent repeats.
The meeting went well, I took a close friend and colleague
along to the meeting for support, and we were delighted to hear the Social
Worker outlining her progress, or attempts to make progress, to date and the
action she was going to take to get things sorted as soon as possible.
Everyone in the room was very encouraging and supportive, nd
a way forward was agreed, the Social Worker would lead, and when she got
options, she would let me know so we could go and review the home.
After this exchange, the consultant psychiatrist took the
lead, he is an extremely compassionate and caring man, he tells you the truth
and treats carers with respect and dignity. However, I did somewhat jump when
he said the lines that I really thought anyway, but had not been spoken aloud…
“You do understand that the nature of this illness means that her life
expectancy is drastically reduced”.
After further discussion around medical options, and further
reviews the meeting broke.
If you think you now know why I am so angry and upset, you
would be wrong.
The social worker took my letter to her boss, who I feel is
culpable for much of the inaccuracy, she phoned me… and this is what made me so
damned angry… her first line was “I don’t understand what you are angry about”.
If she really doesn’t understand, perhaps she would be better working in a
European discount supermarket.
Now, the point, yes, I got to it in the end, of this blog is
this… When a carer is trying to support a loved one, knowing the loved one will
ever return to the family home, knowing that the loved one hasn’t spoken or
expressed anything other than by occasional moments of body language, when the
loved one cannot get out of bed, wash herself, dress herself, is incontinent,
needs to have cutlery placed in the correct hands before trying to persuade her
to eat, you can imagine that carer is under pressure, is upset, worried,
guilty… in simple terms is not having a very good time.. in this circumstance
the carer, whose one aim is to get the loved one into a credible nursing home
they need proper support and service from Social Services. The carer doesn’t
have the detailed knowledge of the homes in the area, doesn’t know the different
classifications, or what level of nursing is required, if the home can offer
that level….It is then that the carer desperately needs proper support from
social services… what I have had is far from proper support, it has pushed me
back to the borders of depression, has caused me to feel to wretched to attend
a conference today, and has left me desperately upset, miserable and alone.
Thank you social services.
The other aspect of this, my confusion, which I can’t deal
with feeling like this is simple… I now officially know that my wife has a
reduced life expectation… her time is limited… we are moving towards the end
game. How do I feel.. obviously devastated… lost… but also I have this… is this
better than seeing her living in this awful twilight world of not
communicating, not being aware of anything, of sitting, looking lost and alone
for another 30 years. The prospect of that fills me with tears, it is so
tragic, so upsetting… so un-bloody-fair… but death will spare her from that… is
it a blessing… put your self in my place… what do you think?
As I said, I can’t deal with this yet.
My mother-in-law existed in a barely conscious state in a Norfolk care home, excellently looked after by the staff there and her carer, my sister-in-law. Death, when it came, was a great relief, a "merciful release" for both sufferer and carer. The sooner, the greater the mercy, I think.
ReplyDeleteThanks Chris. When I think about it, and emotions are on hold, I know you are absolutely right. It is odd, but previously we both said "if i get into this state, just put me down" but now we've reached that point, it doesn't look so clear cut... thats the dilemma... head and heart tell me different things!
ReplyDeleteBy the by... is this the very Chris Pyrah with whom I shared and enjoyed so many pints way back in the day??????
'tis I indeed Rich, though sad to say the DANIEL LAMBERT is no more, demolished and replaced by an Islamic shack and carpark. Your plight is not totally dissimilar, though of a much greater magnitude, to mine. Strange. We must keep in touch ......
Deletethe Lively Lady is also gone... it would be great to keep in touch and meet up, much has happened since we last met. Is there an easier roue to keep in touch? I am on facebook, easily found! and twitter as @mralbionman
ReplyDeleteAlas, not so easily found ! All the Rich and Richard Wakefields on FB seem to live on the wrong side of the Atlantic and none look like you. However, I'm also on FB as Christopher Pyrah (from Leicester) - send me a friend request.
DeleteAll quiet on the Facebook front - have you changed your mind ?
DeleteHi Chris, No change of mind, indeed looking forward ot making contact. I did send a friend request and direct message to the only Christopher Pyrah I could find, but suspect it isn't your good self!!! My mug shot isn't the same one as on here.. it depicts a slightly crazed looking old bloke with long grey hair, just full face!!! try via my email address which is richardawakefield@yahoo.co.uk.
DeleteMeanwhile I'll keep looking....
Cheers
Rich
I am so very sorry! Your pain is unimaginably. You would think Social Services would be a resource and not a source of more stress. Unfortunately, I have not met a capable dedicated social worker. The ones I met pretended to care, were incompetent and got irritated if I asked them to do their job and do it well. All I can say is keep posting, it seems to be a good outlet for your frustration and you Sir are a good writer.
ReplyDeleteMonica
Thank you Monica, kind of you to say that.
ReplyDeleteI have had dealing with Social Services over 20 years, initially through work, last 10 years through my wife's illness... I am yet to meet any individual who was other than useless. All I ask is them to be honest and do their job. Surely not too much to ask!!!
Writing this stuff is incredibly cathartic, clears my mind and makes me feel calmer... if anyone else gets something out of them then I will be really delighted.
Rich